This weeks email messages

Email messages (15-21 Feb '25)

  • I am so confused; "Casio For You" have in one week offered me a 600% bonus, a 300% bonus and 200 free spins. No matter how fast I turn, that tail still doesn't get any easier to catch.

  • After wishing me well, Zencortex tells me I only have between 10 and 14 days to fix my ringing ears. Now, don't get me wrong, tinnitus is a horrible condition that I would not wish on my worst cat acquaintance, but suggesting I stick some stuff in my ears that I have bought on the web from a small group of European scientists has made my fur stand on edge, therefore making me look like a cotton wool bud. As my old vet used to say, don't put anything larger than your elbow in your ear!

  • MindEnhance, on the other hand, has offered me a "stronger" memory; I'm not sure if that means my thoughts will have muscles. They clearly aren't using their own product because when I click on the link, it takes me to a site where I can meet some very pleasant-looking ladies. None of them looks like they have strong memories, though.

  • For just a few quid a day, I can avoid finger pricks by taking a miracle cure for diabetes. I think it is time to give Organic India the dewclaw for thinking we are .......stupid.

  • Wow, I must have been having a dog nap. Apparently, on-line income has found out the next crypto rush has started. It's pretty funny that they have misspelt rush and used an 'A' by mistake; perhaps they should contact a group of European scientists who have a special cream for a crypto rash.

  • Bit unsure about this one.....Russian beauty from a website called hostrestate.co can put me in touch with many baltic state women willing to send me cat pictures??????? 

Email messages (8-14 Feb '25)

  • There's a theme to some of the emails this week. No not Valentines 💘 but keeping your home spik and span. 

  • Synoshi Power Scrubber is a lovely girl by all accounts. Oh wait, it's a special battery-operated power brush. I wouldn't be without one. 

  • John Lewis has already sent my free micro vac. The only problem is I haven't spilt any micros to clean up. Anyone who has any to spare? I wouldn't want to waste this free gift. 

  • Just my luck, the weather is getting warmer, and I get "Reminder for Tibby, Cut Your Heating Bill to Basically zero costs". Not sure what basically I need to do but basically seems like a basically scam. 

  • Hurry Tibby! Offer Closes in Just Hours. What offer, you ask! Well, Sainsbury's (with a tick after their name in this email address????) They are giving me a dog, remember, a whole set of le creuset pans. I'm going to turn them down. Frankly, it's hard to pick them up with paws. 

  • I'm really sorry, but an email address which is @peemuscle.com has just brought up a whole series of thoughts about lampposts that I have loved!  Really? Who thinks sending a dog an email on how to control their bladder? They've definitely lost the plot!  

Email messages (1-7 Feb '25)

  • I'm going up in the world! British Airways are offering me a 2-night break for just £159! I'm struggling with where to go! Pawlett in Somerset; Woofferton in Shropshire; Petworth in West Sussex; Labrador Bay in Devon; Hound in Hampshire. I think I draw the line at Lickey End in Worcestershire. How many of you thought I was going to say Barking? Come on, I'm not that obvious!
  • Seven tips to sort your finances in 2025, says Confused.com. I'm a dog! Which one of us is Confused?
  • The O2 is promoting Strictly to me in an email. I can only do the foxtrot....see what I did there. 
  • The London Mint asked me if I wanted a free King Charles commemorative coin. I know so many, King Charles. Do I need a coin from each one of them?
  • The people at Pharmacy2U are so lovely; they referred to me as Mrs Tibby. I haven't the heart to tell them no one walked me up the aisle.
  • Oh no Mcafee says I have another virus. I told them that the vet knows where he can put his thermometer!!!!

Email messages (25-31 Jan '25)

  • Synoshi have offered me a set of cleaning products at a discount price in their winter sale. Clearly they don't realise that when I sit and drag my bum on the living room floor I'm doing the house work at the same time!

  • I'm a bit affronted that I have been described as a British Senior. But never the less I can get an all inclusive funeral plan and a great free gift worth £135 if I sign up now! Not sure I get the trust pilot score of 5 stars. Does anyone come back and complain?

  • Oh no my iCould payment didnt go through yet again. All I have to do is click on the very helpfull link and put my card details in and it will do the rest.....yeh right. ;-). While I'm at it my MacAfee has also expired. Its a dogs life keeping up with all these IT products I didnt know I had!

  • "Are you looking for lower mortgage payments", says the SoSaveMoney email. Well I could do with a new kennel, but at this time of year I'm happy living in with the owners, put another log on the fire, there's a good boy.

  • Seems like the AA (the car lot) have too many car emergency kits and are keen to give them away. I've had six email this week offering me one for free. Much rather have a chase of a car than tow it out of a ditch with my teeth.

  • Have they gone mad! Cadbury have offered me a free selection box. Don't they know I am not allowed to eat chocolate.

  • Got an email from Chronohunter. Perhaps they thought I was a Watch Dog....alright, us dogs have great hearing I can hear you groaning you know.

  • Thanks Serious Injury Consultants for coming to my rescue. "Had an accident that wasn't you fault". Yes I did, but I had barked and sat by the back door for quite sometime before it happened. Looking forward to the £millions I can get in compensation.

Email messages (19-24 Jan '25)

  • Time to get my passport out! BA are offering me a special deal. Not too worried about the seat as I don't need a lot of leg room. 

  • OMG they are changing the rules on driving. Thanks DVLA for letting me know. While I might be able to use a keyboard getting behind the wheel is still a way off. 

  • Can you believe it! I actually had an email about dog food! I often use deliverwoof when my owners don't know but to actually get a proper message that is relevant is a first. Well done ZENOC. 

  • Last one this week. Some woman called Emma wants me to buy a mattress. I'm up for that my bed is not that comfy and I'm always human tired!  

Email messages (12 - 18 Jan 25)

 

  • Brilliant News! I’ve been offered an extra 10% off Saville Row clothing. Can wait to try a new shirt and collar. Can’t decide if I’m looking for smart or casual clothing. The night wear looks particularly appealing.
  • Browns shoes have put me in a quandary. Would love the new brogues but they will only give me a discount on one pair, and yes you’ve cottoned on Ill need two!
  • Can it be true! I’m eligible to a special discount on my dream sofa. Bit of a result as I’m not usually allowed on the furniture. Free umbrella is a attractive option but a real challenge to put up with my paws (arthritis) while balancing on my back legs.
  • Finally a special trip! I’ve been invited to Barbados on an all inclusive holiday for free! All I have to do is pay a small holding fee by giving them my bank details, mother’s maiden name and date of birth. Sex on the beach here I come, as long as no one has a bucket of cold water handy.
  • I am very grateful to sirajkhan8942 (which I must admit is a strange email for Jan Daniel but hey I’m a dog so what can I say) for logging into my PayPal and renewing my Microsoft account for $589.99. Could have easily missed that one! It’s okay though because Abigail (khulna) also did it but this time it was £677.44. I can’t believe how much it costs for Microsoft nowadays.
  • Last one for this week, I can get £1000’s in compensation for the lack of maintenance on my house! Mould, damp, heating, electrics, crumbling plaster and a leaky roof, that’ll teach my owner to ignore my kennel condition. I’ll keep you in the loop on how it goes.